What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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