We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize