Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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