even my farts smell like vagina
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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