***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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