it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
