You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have post one night stand depression
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
