That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
