My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have aggressive nipples.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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