he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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