best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
