what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Drunk walkin through police station. America
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
