Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
