Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
