I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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