You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
