is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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