if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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