And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize