You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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