he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
