Ambien. No doubt about it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's like iHOP with fire
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
