So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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