Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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