hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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