He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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