I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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