My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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