You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
