Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The air was thick with penises
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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