Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
