u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
