I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
