Where is the hickey?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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