he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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