cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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