Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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