you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
