Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
