He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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