I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
