i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
