Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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