ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
