You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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