i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
