I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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