Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
