Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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