you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
