I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
