Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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