i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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