I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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