saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
