We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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