i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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