He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
