I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
