dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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