Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
