I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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