Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize