There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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