I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
