Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
