you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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