I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
