Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
