There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
