She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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