Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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