Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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