I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
