dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Welp...herpes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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