You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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