I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
