I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
operation have a gay friend backfired
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
