I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
