please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
