I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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