did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
