I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
