I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize