Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
