You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ladies don't puke and tell
A+ Viking dick
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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