I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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