I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
