Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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