You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
