i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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