So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you have to choose: penises or morals?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
