Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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