imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize