You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
