He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
